I am feeling a bit off these days, all because of my name. I know I've mentioned this before, but sometimes, things get the best of you. And these days, my name is getting the best of me.
I haven't always liked my name, Christina, because I don't truly like the shortened version, Chris. Don't get me wrong, when I envision a Chris, I usually see someone strong and trustworthy, qualities I hope that I possess. But I can't see a face or any other characteristics. Chris is too gender neutral for my tastes, and yet, almost 39 years into the name, I still use it.
Why? I ask myself that all the time. I don't actually have a good answer.
But it is difficult to make a change. I have a couple of friends who decided to add their middle names to their first names. The only people that call them by the new name are people who have met them after the change. Well, the same goes for me. When the community college hired me, I introduced myself as Christina. No one batted an eye, and 8 years later, I am still Christina in that arena. The same can be said for my writing group. And that is why I am feeling a bit schizophrenic.
I am meeting and emailing with my writing group, corresponding with colleagues at school in preparation for the fall, and keeping up with old friends this summer. I easily type up my messages or pick up the phone and figure out what I want to say, and then, when it is time to identify myself or sign off, I have to remember who is on the receiving end. Is it my friend that I've known for 15 years, or have I been writing to my supervisor? My fingers automatically want to stop at Chris, but I might need to write Christina. Argh. It's the little things that drive me batty these days. Can you tell?
So here is what I've decided. I am both a Chris and a Christina, and whatever pops up at the bottom of the email or at the beginning of the conversation will be sufficient. If anyone asks, I'll tell them I can't spend any more time or energy worrying about it, and direct them to this blog. Case closed.
I haven't always liked my name, Christina, because I don't truly like the shortened version, Chris. Don't get me wrong, when I envision a Chris, I usually see someone strong and trustworthy, qualities I hope that I possess. But I can't see a face or any other characteristics. Chris is too gender neutral for my tastes, and yet, almost 39 years into the name, I still use it.
Why? I ask myself that all the time. I don't actually have a good answer.
But it is difficult to make a change. I have a couple of friends who decided to add their middle names to their first names. The only people that call them by the new name are people who have met them after the change. Well, the same goes for me. When the community college hired me, I introduced myself as Christina. No one batted an eye, and 8 years later, I am still Christina in that arena. The same can be said for my writing group. And that is why I am feeling a bit schizophrenic.
I am meeting and emailing with my writing group, corresponding with colleagues at school in preparation for the fall, and keeping up with old friends this summer. I easily type up my messages or pick up the phone and figure out what I want to say, and then, when it is time to identify myself or sign off, I have to remember who is on the receiving end. Is it my friend that I've known for 15 years, or have I been writing to my supervisor? My fingers automatically want to stop at Chris, but I might need to write Christina. Argh. It's the little things that drive me batty these days. Can you tell?
So here is what I've decided. I am both a Chris and a Christina, and whatever pops up at the bottom of the email or at the beginning of the conversation will be sufficient. If anyone asks, I'll tell them I can't spend any more time or energy worrying about it, and direct them to this blog. Case closed.
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