I like to putter around the internet. I find other blogs, check them out, and then also check the ones that are written by people I know. Many people with whom I currently interact are people with things in common with me: kids, interests, work, etc. There is a subset of people that I once knew: the FB friends with pages, most of whom I haven't seen in 20 years. I often wonder if I still have anything in common with them.
Last week, while I was checking out some blogs, I stumbled across this quote.
"...it should be understood that for every wife the first duty is the
making and keeping of her own home. Her first and best work should be done
there, and till it is well done she has no right to go outside to take up other
duties."JR Miller
On first glance, I realized that I probably did not have anything in common with this person anymore. Then, I was somewhat outraged! Who would say this, much less condone it? Would this JR Miller think that I performed my duties inside the home sufficiently? And by what standards should the woman be judged, anyway? What about women who want children, but just aren't that good at cooking, cleaning, and nurturing? Should they NOT have kids or a home? Isn't delegation of duties by women (and men) like these actually a mature and responsible thing to some degree? I took a women's studies class in college that would have had a heyday with this quote!
So, I decided to do a little digging. JR Miller is not a contemporary author, and actually died in 1912. According to this website devoted to him, he was a popular Christian author during his time, and the quote above can be found in his book entitled, "Homemaking." I read a little bit more of the prose surrounding that quote in particular, and when put into context, it reads a little better. He went on to talk about women who try to do things outside the home, but then don't see what is inside the home:
"While they were winning a place in the hearts of the poor or the sick or
the orphan, they were losing their rightful place in the hearts of their own
household."
I can understand what he is trying to say, and knowing that it was published in 1882, makes what JR Miller wrote, a bit more palatable.
What I cannot completely understand is how many people seemingly still agree with the sentiment of the quote taken OUT of context. The blog I was looking at when I found it put an "Amen to that!" on it, and several other readers also commented. Am I being judgmental here? I guess so. As the saying goes, everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
And an opinion is what I am giving. In my mind, we should do the best job we can for all of our duties. I try to be the best teacher when I am at school; I do my best when it comes to parenting; when someone needs a listener, I put forth a great effort to listen. I think I do a pretty good job as sister and daughter and friend. I may utilize all of my energy to do a nice job in all of these aspects of life, but there will still be students that don't respond to my style of teaching, or times that my kids think that my parenting skills are not up to snuff. I might also disappoint my siblings and parents, as well as Tim. Being busy with the kids -- I am sure that Tim might have something to say about my ability to be a wife. However, I think it would be silly to NOT do all the other things that I do, in an effort to keep home a little better.
After all of this thinking and writing, there is one thing for sure that I need to do better: reading without judging, allowing people to have their own views, and letting go when someone disagrees with me. What can you do better in your own life?
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