My first draft is done. Actually, I had a first draft that has since undergone a minor revision, in that I changed the beginning of the story. The kids like the story, but I have yet to become attached to it. The manuscript might be done, but it ain't finished, if you know what I mean.
Knowing that I want to revise this piece, possibly in a big way, I asked the kids what they'd like to see happen. I told them in no uncertain terms that I would be avoiding potty humor, disrespectful behavior, and anything else I found to be inappropriate. I want kids to like this book, but I always want grown ups to like it, too.
Here's the premise: Laney has always felt different, and her mother confirms it one day when she tells her that she might be from one of Jupiter's moons. But Laney's mom is called away and the conversation cannot be finished. Laney, Harvey the Hippo, and a few close friends go on a quest to find out if she really does hail from one of Jupiter's moons. They never make it into space, but they do find some interesting things along the way.
It's an okay premise, but it needs some embellishment. According to the kids, here is what the piece needs:
Actually, I am thrilled with the kids giving me this feedback. Even though they liked the story, it is obvious that it needs to be more fantastical and engaging. It is also obvious that I have my work cut out for me. This book writing is tough stuff.
Knowing that I want to revise this piece, possibly in a big way, I asked the kids what they'd like to see happen. I told them in no uncertain terms that I would be avoiding potty humor, disrespectful behavior, and anything else I found to be inappropriate. I want kids to like this book, but I always want grown ups to like it, too.
Here's the premise: Laney has always felt different, and her mother confirms it one day when she tells her that she might be from one of Jupiter's moons. But Laney's mom is called away and the conversation cannot be finished. Laney, Harvey the Hippo, and a few close friends go on a quest to find out if she really does hail from one of Jupiter's moons. They never make it into space, but they do find some interesting things along the way.
It's an okay premise, but it needs some embellishment. According to the kids, here is what the piece needs:
1. A scene in which I can put Jeopardy music to work.Of course! Why didn't I think of the magical piano!
2. A flight to Mars. (Did they not notice I chose Jupiter and its moons? I think Aaron mentioned this one.)
3. A scene where someone is trapped in a box with spikes, and in order to get out, the person needs to play a video game and of course, win the game.
4. A video screen that pops up at a crucial moment (I can't say when) that invites Laney and Harvey to press a button and experience a blue hole. (If you don't know what a blue hole is, please Google it. But do realize that blue holes aren't a space feature, so again, did they not notice the discrepancy?)
5. A scene in which Francesca finds a magical piano.
Actually, I am thrilled with the kids giving me this feedback. Even though they liked the story, it is obvious that it needs to be more fantastical and engaging. It is also obvious that I have my work cut out for me. This book writing is tough stuff.
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