Conversation with the Grim Reaper

Six o'clock came too early this morning.  I had gone to bed late, and slept fitfully all night.  Aaron had come in sometime in the night; he slid beneath the sheets and scooted his little body next to mine.  He was looking for warmth, while I craved coolness.  When the alarm rang, I internally groaned and hauled myself out of bed.

In the kitchen was the Grim Reaper.

"I have been waiting," he said, and adjusted the dark hood that covered his head.  "Today is the day."  His voice was much smoother than I ever imagined.  Its tone persuaded me that yes, today was indeed going to be the day.

"What if I am not ready?  What if we are not ready?" I asked him.

"Being prepared has nothing to do with my visit," he explained.  "The time has come, and therefore, so have I."

I looked down at the cats who purred at my feet.  Two brothers, litter mates, who up until now had shared every experience in their 12 years.  Ferdinand glanced up at me with big green eyes, but I could not read them.

"Please, Ferdinand," I implored.  "Do something, anything, to send him away.  Can't you do that for me?"  Ferdinand didn't answer.  He looked at the Grim Reaper, and then at me, and yawned, as if the presence of such a stranger was nothing out of the ordinary.  Ferdinand stretched his legs, the same legs that wobble now due to neuropathy, and sauntered over to the water bowl.  

I needed to find evidence.  I walked down the stairs to the basement, hoping to see proof of a miraculous recovery.  But there, in the cool damp air, my fears were confirmed.

The Grim Reaper had followed me.  I turned to him with tears on my lashes.

"Today?"  I questioned.  "Can we just have one more day?"

"One more day becomes one more week, which becomes one more month.  Sometimes, you need to let those you love go."

"It this hard job for you?"  The question just burst forth.  I wanted to know the answer.

"You know, no one has ever asked me that question.  This is a first."

"And?"  I prompted him.

"And yes, it is a difficult job.  I wear this hood to hide my true feelings.  I hold this scythe simply to help sever the ties.  With each life I come for, I send energy out to the stars, and hope that in some way, the energy will make it back to earth.  Perhaps, it will even come back to you and your family."

"I was ready yesterday," I admitted to him.  "I am not ready today."

"And if I come back tomorrow, you will still not be ready," he replied softly.

Something in the way he spoke put me at ease, at least a little.  I made the kids lunches and went through the motions of putting breakfast on the table.  After breakfast, when the kids had already gotten on the bus, I went downstairs to put Ferdinand in his crate.  I approached him as he stood near the food bowl.  Again, he looked at me with big green eyes.  This time, I noticed that his face and eyes have changed since he was a kitten. His coat, too.  I picked him up, gave him a squeeze, and placed him in his crate.  Tim would be taking him to the veterinarian.

I called Tim after I had gone to the store, after I knew he'd be at his desk.

"Are you okay?" 

"Well, sort of.  I thought I would be. But it was quick."

I scurried off the phone as the tears started to fall, since I was in the car.

"What's wrong, Mom?" Melina piped up from the back.  "Are you sad about Ferdinand?"

"Yes, honey."  I said.  "I am sad about Ferdinand."

"Why?" she asked.  I wasn't sure how to address that.  How do you tell a three year old that her friend was just euthanized?

"Ferdinand was sick, Melina.  Daddy took him to the vet.  He won't be coming back."

"Why?"

"Because he died today.  The vet gave him some medicine to make him sleep forever."  It came out all wrong, but I think any words would have sounded wrong to me.

"Are you joking me?" Melina asked with a tremble in her voice.

"No honey, I only wish I was joking."

She left it at that.  But as I looked up at the gray sky, a very fitting type of day in my opinion, I found a cloud formation and focused on it.  Perhaps it was a trick of my imagination, or some brain glitch, or something else entirely.  I saw a flash of green, the same color as Ferdinand's eyes when he was just a kitten, and a flash of dark gray.  I choose to think that the Grim Reaper was gently escorting our friend to the next dimension.