With a Little Help from My Friends

Today in the land of frost and snow, we have a day off. The snow isn't the problem, but the cold temperatures are. We're sitting right now at 6.3 F, with a wind chill of -10. It could be worse, people. Much worse. (As in the -40 F recorded at the Baraga/Marquette County line this morning. Yikes.)

So I can't complain, but I can say that I need some amusement--a little diversion from the fact that we'll be indoors for much of the day, AGAIN. In an effort to find something to make me laugh, I keyed in a quick statement on Facebook this morning: Since many of you are home with your kiddos today, I'd like to play a round of "It's so cold..." Just fill in the end of that sentence, however you see fit. No censorship from me. I simply crave some amusement, and yes, I'm using you. Thank you. Now, ready, set, go!

The responses trickled in, many of which placed a huge smile on my face. I've removed names to protect the innocent. I don't care about the guilty. You know who you are:

• It's so cold I enjoy doing the dishes just to keep my hands warm. Now my legs and feet are another matter as I'm standing in front of the open cupboard. Open so the pipes don't freeze. Kids are still sleeping in very warm beds.
• It's so cold we may actually drive our kids to school. And it's so cold I will get out my mom's huge down coat to walk to work. And I'm In Maryland!
• I have my coat on inside!
• ...that Lake Champlain froze over.
• My nostrils freeze when I breathe through my nose.
• It's so cold that I am considering grocery delivery.
• My teenage child will wear a coat without being nagged instead of a sweatshirt outside and is wearing real pants in the house and not gym shorts.
• Parts of Niagara Falls have frozen--I know that's far from here but relevant, I think--true story.
• Ice covering Lake Michigan out as far as the eye can see.
• It's so cold that I had all four cats sleeping in bed with me last night.
• My room temperature butter isn't spreadable.
• I'm eating subway (blech) because it didn't require walking outdoors.

My literary favorite:

• My window coverings look like they have icicle beards.         

And my two overall favorites:

• It's so cold I can't even swear when I'm outside. I just sound like a librarian "Sh-sh-sh."
• It's so cold my dog wees out a peesicle.