Buzzfeed Fail

I'm sorry, Buzzfeed, but you got it wrong. Really wrong.

I know you readers aren't surprised by that statement. All those quizzes you take each day really are just for fun. I mean, how can answering a question about how long it takes you to get ready in the morning indicate which color hair you have?

But this wasn't a quiz. This morning, I sat down to read 22 Thoughts You Have While You're Ovulating: The most fertile week of the month can also be the most miserable. It took me 30 seconds to read the article and call it rubbish. Sorry, Tracy Clayton and the Buzzfeed Staff. I'll say it again: you got it wrong. And you could have gotten it so right.

It wouldn't take much. The female body is ripe with symptoms that indicate a woman is ovulating or has just ovulated. You had 22 opportunities to enlighten and amuse everyone. Instead, you repeated your reasons, giving us only a few original thoughts. For example, reasons 1-3 were sex, reasons 5-7 had to do with "doing someone" (again, sex, for those of who don't understand contemporary vernacular), 11-13 placed food as a priority, and reason 14 combined sex and food. But not in a new thought. Simply in an I need to have them scenario, which you'd already said before. Multiple times.

Here's what I would do to rewrite the article. I'd call up some friends or do a little research on the internet and find out what happens when a woman is nearing ovulation. Then, I'd make sure that each statement is separate from the others by way of thought and meaning.

1. I need to have sex. Now. Honey, I know it's two in the morning, but what do you think?
2. Is that men's cologne I smell on you? What? You don't wear cologne, but your office mate does? Boy, that's some sniffer I have.
3. I could eat a brownie. No, make that an entire pan of brownies.
4. Ah, that baby is so cute, and wow, yesterday, I didn't really like babies.
5. It's amazing that I could very well create a life right about now. Inside my body. It's all too much to take in.
6. Doggone it, I'm cranky. Get out of my way! I thought this behavior only went along with PMS.
7. Whoever described vaginal discharge at the time of ovulation as similar to egg whites really knew what they were talking about. They should have specified how many egg whites. I think I just passed four eggs worth.
8. Ouch. That hurt. I must be ovulating on the right side this month.
9. I need a blanket because I'm cold. Oh wait, no, I don't need a blanket because now, for some unexplained reason, I feel warmer. 
10. My boobs are so sore. WTH? Again, I thought these things happened with PMS, not ovulation. (Sorry to be repetitive on the second half of that sentiment.)
11. I just checked how my cervix is doing and someone must have moved it.

See? You don't need to have 22 reasons. Sure it's a shorter list, and I don't have any redundant pictures for your amusement. But a smaller list of different descriptive reasons is sufficient in getting the point across, don't you think?