Self-Doubt
I clicked on the mouse, which activated the next PowerPoint slide to open into view. It stated at the top: OHM'S LAW.
"This is not a physics course," I said to the 33 young minds in front of me, "but we do need to understand a few physics concepts in order to understand what happens at the plasma membrane." I felt my cheeks flush with heat and a smile turn the corners of my mouth upward. This was it: the chapter on neurons and how they work, one of my favorite chapters of the entire semester.
A few groans filled the classroom. "Don't worry," I continued. "It's not that bad."
And it isn't. But try telling those 33 young minds not to worry at 11 a.m. when they'd rather be doing anything besides sitting in a classroom, hearing a lecture on voltage, current, and resistance. But try, I did. I drew the plasma membrane of a cell, with positive charges on one side and negative charges on the other. I explained that we had a separation of charge and that, if we measured that separation of charge, we'd get a number, in volts (hence the term voltage). Then--and this is where it gets really exciting--I told these kids that if we open up a channel through that membrane and allowed ions to flow, then ZAP! We'd just caused an electrical current! IN THE BODY! How about that?!? (Come on, readers, let's get excited about this.)
I know you're wondering where I'm going with this. Well, I'll tell you. Once I started writing, I wondered if teaching Anatomy & Physiology was going to be enough for me. Would it be able to feed my soul as much as writing? I held onto the teaching because it pays more bills than my non-paying editing and writing gigs. And someday, I'll need to pay not only the orthodontist bills (as of November, we'll have three children in glasses and braces), but car payments, car insurance, and college tuition. But I didn't want to be teaching just as a means of garnering wages. I wanted to make sure I still had a passion for the subject. And I have to say, I had my doubts.
Until last week. I had a conversation with Tim, with the kids, with my mentor at work, and then again with those 33 young minds, a conversation that told me my fervor for science is alive and well. And I'm sorry I doubted myself. It happens, but I hope it will happen less and less as time goes by. Because doubting myself will not help me publish my novels.
"This is not a physics course," I said to the 33 young minds in front of me, "but we do need to understand a few physics concepts in order to understand what happens at the plasma membrane." I felt my cheeks flush with heat and a smile turn the corners of my mouth upward. This was it: the chapter on neurons and how they work, one of my favorite chapters of the entire semester.
A few groans filled the classroom. "Don't worry," I continued. "It's not that bad."
And it isn't. But try telling those 33 young minds not to worry at 11 a.m. when they'd rather be doing anything besides sitting in a classroom, hearing a lecture on voltage, current, and resistance. But try, I did. I drew the plasma membrane of a cell, with positive charges on one side and negative charges on the other. I explained that we had a separation of charge and that, if we measured that separation of charge, we'd get a number, in volts (hence the term voltage). Then--and this is where it gets really exciting--I told these kids that if we open up a channel through that membrane and allowed ions to flow, then ZAP! We'd just caused an electrical current! IN THE BODY! How about that?!? (Come on, readers, let's get excited about this.)
I know you're wondering where I'm going with this. Well, I'll tell you. Once I started writing, I wondered if teaching Anatomy & Physiology was going to be enough for me. Would it be able to feed my soul as much as writing? I held onto the teaching because it pays more bills than my non-paying editing and writing gigs. And someday, I'll need to pay not only the orthodontist bills (as of November, we'll have three children in glasses and braces), but car payments, car insurance, and college tuition. But I didn't want to be teaching just as a means of garnering wages. I wanted to make sure I still had a passion for the subject. And I have to say, I had my doubts.
Until last week. I had a conversation with Tim, with the kids, with my mentor at work, and then again with those 33 young minds, a conversation that told me my fervor for science is alive and well. And I'm sorry I doubted myself. It happens, but I hope it will happen less and less as time goes by. Because doubting myself will not help me publish my novels.
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