Thursday, March 23, 2017

Dear Student Starts, II

Dear Student: I provide notes for a reason--to make my life and yours easier. But when you email me with a question that clearly indicates you haven't looked at the notes, then you're shit out of luck.

Dear Student: When I assign an extra credit assignment, I would expect you to at least attempt to do the extra credit. I know you'll come crying to me at the end of the semester and beg for mercy, but guess what? You'll be shit out of luck.

Dear Student: I didn't think I'd have to tell you this, but we have a wonderful (and so easy!) way of looking up information now. It is called THE INTERNET. You can also find so much information about the human body in YOUR TEXTBOOK. You cannot come to me every time you're too lazy to look something up because I'll tell you that avenue is blocked and that you're I'll tell you that you're shit out of luck.

Dear Student: It is so nice that you received an A as your grade for the first course in this series. If I were to be honest, though, I'm not sure how that happened (and I have to question who your teacher was). You do not know what osmosis is, you don't remember anything about how a hormone works, and you sit in class with a look of confusion on your face. When I speak to you, I find that you're not knowledgeable in any of the topics we covered last semester that form the basis of this semester. I'd say, you're shit out of luck.

Dear Student: While we're on the topic of grades, let me reassure you that just because you received an A last semester doesn't mean that you will receive one this semester. In fact, if you spent as much time studying the concepts as you do complaining about how you did on the exams, I bet you'd be doing so much better. So think long and hard about what you're doing, and consider changing your behavior. Because if you don't? Well then . . . I think you know this . . . you'll be shit out of luck.

(As an aside, sorry for the profanity. I did not sit down with the intention of putting together a list of starts with a common theme, but you know how it goes with writing. Sometimes, you get to a place you never thought you'd be.)

1 comment:

S.B. House said...

Haha, love these!! My biggest annoyance when taking college classes was interacting with other students I labeled "Entitled Complainers." I've heard so many complaints about profs not being compassionate/understanding... it's the "I would have had an A but she doesn't like me" syndrome. But I've yet to meet a single professor that is unwilling to work with a student who shows the smallest ounce of initiative. I mean, come on, it's really not that hard to read a syllabus, open your textbook, consult the internet...