Dear Kid,What I said:
You far surpassed my expectations yesterday. I am so overwhelmed and impressed by your behavior, that I am almost (notice I said almost) at a loss for words. I had no idea that you could be so good, so exceptional at what you do. Where did you learn it? From whom did you learn it? I am certain that I have never taught you anything even close to what you did yesterday. Because you brought the act of not listening to a whole new level. Never in my life have I seen someone so deliberately ignore what I said. Which makes me think that you really didn't hear me, even though I repeated my statement FIVE times. Maybe I should have only repeated it 3.14 times; that might have gotten your attention. To be honest, I'm hoping that you can learn to market this outstanding behavior someday. If you can, you will go far, become successful, and make me so proud. Not that I'm not proud of you right now, but I have to say that I'm more than a bit annoyed at having to say things to you so many times. What? You didn't hear me, again? Get the wax out of your ears! Look directly into my eyes! I AM TALKING TO YOU, little red. There, that's better.
You know that I love you, very much. But you also know that you need to listen better. Go to your room.